"In this life, you're the one place I call home
In this life, you're the feeling I belong
In this life, you're the flower and the thorn
You're everything that's fair in love and war"
- "Head Over Heels" - Switchfoot
It's no secret that I am a hockey fan. And sitting here watching the Pittsburgh Penguins give up a goal in the first five minutes for the second time in as many games is pretty frustrating. Both goals could've been prevented easily. But, they were not. Fortunately, last night they were able to bounce back and win 4-1, let's see if that happens today.
Now I don't know everything how the game is played (I swear I learn a new rule every time I watch a game.), but I appreciate the way that hockey players sacrifice and work to become the best player and team possible. I am no athlete, and do not claim to be one at all, but I think that you can learn something watching these well-conditioned men and women compete. They put their whole beings into the game to have a chance to reach the unattainable. But there is a 50/50 chance of winning. There is always a winner and always a loser.
I suppose I am glad that I'm just a spectator with these sports. It's hard enough to watch, let alone participate in the games. But they have such gusto. Sometimes I find myself just letting the days pass me by without feeling like I truly did something worthwhile. Sometimes I feel like I am lacking that "gusto" for something. That I'm adrift in a world of confusion.
I try to catch myself when I start thinking like that. I do have something to live for. I have something to breathe in and out for. Someone to wake up for day in and day out. Someone that is always there when I am feeling unconquerable, but also when I am being my worst. Knowing that Jesus is living inside of me is the best feeling that I've ever experienced. No matter what I do, say, or feel, He'll always be there for me is just mind boggling.
Now the hockey reference was a bit out there yes, but I want to live for Jesus the way hockey players strive to win the Stanley Cup. With each passing year, and every new class I take, I want to grow closer to Him. Just because I've been a part of the Church all my life doesn't make me out to be a good Christian. I've only recently, within the past two years or so, began to realize that you need to be wholly and completely enveloped by His love to be whole. I knew that He loved me, but I was just believing that with my head, and not with my heart. I'm still working on being a good follower, but I'll be doing that until the day I return home.
Learning to be patient and allow for God to work in my life has been the most difficult. When I auditioned at FSU, I had this grand idea of being a Performance major and just playing clarinet. But when I got the letter saying that, yes I was accepted to the College of Music, I wasn't accepted into the Performance major. I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do in college. I played with the idea of Music Therapy, but it just didn't fit right. But then I got to thinking. I like music. I also enjoy studying history and the vast amount of people in it. Why not just combine the two? So, that's how I've landed my major(s) of Music and History. Hopefully in the future, I'll be able to go onto grad school for Musicology.
While I might not be the best clarinet player here at FSU, or the best German speaker in my German class, I know that I am heading where I am meant to be. Where my life is supposed to be going. I must learn to be patient and wait for God to lead me in the direction He wants for my life.
-- Oh, by the way. Just in case you were wondering, the Pens are tied at 2 in the second period right now. ;) GO PENS
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